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Purpose of Having Children
You thought you were having children because you are a well rounded, logical, grounded person who will be able to impart wisdom to your offspring. Certain that as a parent you can teach them everything they need to know, right?…think again.
What you don’t realize is that you are having children mostly due to the fact you need to learn that you don’t have it all figured out; that you are not as grounded as you thought you were; that you don’t have all of the skills you need to help this child be amazing…YET.
Children have a built-in program that makes it so that they will teach you more than you will ever teach them. Your children were specifically given to you by either fate, a creator or just DNA because you are only starting to understand what it means to be a great person. You have a great many strengths and weakness and they will all be tested to their full potential because this child you were given will unknowingly do things to ensure you are.
Parenting is more than just giving birth to another human being. It is a wonderful job that you are tasked with to teach this beautiful amazing person all they will need to know to be a success in this world. But along the way, they will inadvertently teach you how to become an even better, more beautiful amazing person as well. Your primary job as their parent is to make this person the best person they can be; physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally and they will turn that mirror towards you to help you see and become the best person you can be.
It is a huge task and one that deserves you giving it 100% and one that is well worth it for both you and your children. This specific task was imparted to you and only you. You were given this child you have because there are many lessons to learn which will teach you all the things you thought you knew but really didn’t. If you have not had a child yet, you might take offense to that, but if you already have, you know what I am talking about.
Confessions of a P̶e̶r̶f̶e̶c̶t̶ mom:
I thought that being a parent was about what I could teach my children. I boldly and stupidly assumed I knew all the answers in how to be the ‘perfect parent’. What I didn’t realize was that my life was going to be forever changed, and not because I had little people to take care of but because all the things I was going to teach them, they taught to me instead.
I had it all figured out:
- I had watched families with mouthy children and thought ‘just spank them’.
- I saw young teen girls getting pregnant and thought ‘my daughter will never get pregnant. I will keep her so busy she won’t be able to find time to get into trouble’.
- I witnessed teen boys being rude to both parents, elderly and other teens and knew that ‘my boys would be respectful’. I would marry the perfect man who would be a perfect gentleman as well as be a great example in all things manly so that my boys can follow in his footsteps.
- I knew that none of my children would be part of the LGBT group because we would be raising them in a very strong faith-based family. They would know this was not acceptable and not even question if they were gay or not.
- I knew that it was worth dissecting everything my children did or wanted to do. I watched as other parents ignored their children letting them get away with things, claiming they were picking their battles.
I knew how to fix all the issues that I saw in other peoples children, and understood the issue was that the parents just didn’t care enough to try harder or be smarter than their children. Then I had kids and boy did I get knocked off my high pedestal. Every single thing I watched and judged in other parents happened to my husband and I.
- My kids got mouthy no matter how much I used oregano oil on them or gave them a timeout.
- My teens were rude, disrespectful, and doing drugs even though their dad is an amazing example of respectability and kindness.
- My daughter consistently would sneak out no matter what consequence I laid down or how busy I kept her and no matter what we did to prevent it, she got raped and pregnant
- My son is gay and he was raised in a faith-based family. All that did was cause him heartache, confusion, and embarrassment, and it was all my fault.
- My own sanity and my relationship with my children became something I guarded and there were times I let my children get away with things, choosing to ‘pick my battles’.
I learned, and much more slowly than I should have, that my children were destined to teach me much more than I would ever teach them.
- I learned I don’t have the answers.
- I learned that I should not judge others about what they do or how they do anything or why.
- I learned that my well thought out plan was not realistic and extremely foolish.
- I learned that each and every human had a right to be who they are or what they are and that they do not answer to me and my thoughts of what they should be.
- I learned to pick my fights with ones that counted and give up on those that don’t matter as much.
- I had no idea that there are many different ways to live your life and not any one way is the ‘only’ way.
- I learned that the creator likes diversity and that I had better get my head out of my butt if I wanted to end up having any kind of a relationship with my children because they were not created to be like me. They were created to be the unique and special individual that will act and think so much different than me.
- I learned that I can become a better person by watching my children be all that they can be, even though it was not what I thought I wanted for them.
- I learned that parenting is more about helping your child be ‘the best’ person they were ‘meant’ to be which doesn’t include being a mini-me.
- I learned that unconditional love is allowing your child to make mistakes but being there to help them when they do, not to point a finger at them to tell them they failed.
- I learned that I am a better person because my children weren’t perfect.
Although this is not my ‘truth’ it does have a point
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I woke up in my forties and wondered how did my life become this messed up.
I was the child that understood at an early age that you reaped what you sowed and so if I was a good person, worked hard, make right choices my life would be simple. So, what happened?
Why was I now living with:
- A daughter who stole and lied all the time constantly sneaking off to parties and cutting herself
- A son who became a drug addict and got suspended from school, not once but twice for different things
- Another child that is extremely judgemental and one that likes to argue with me about anything and everything whenever he can.
- having to deal with a teenage daughter getting raped and pregnant
- a child that seemed to be making good choices but end up with juvenile diabetes?
What happened to my understanding that I was in control of my own destiny. That by making amazing choices I would have an easy life.
The simple answer is: I had kids. The more complicated answer is they have a will of their own and the choices they made ultimately effected each one of us in different ways, ways we had no idea of at the time.
Don’t get me wrong I am not sorry I had kids but I learned that just because I worked hard to make good choices doesn’t mean my children will and if I didn’t learn some of the those hard to learn lessons due to my own choices, I would certainly learn them one way or the other. With the biggest lesson being that you cannot be perfect nor live the perfect life no matter what.
The judgments I had of other parents and believing that I had the answers on how to be the perfect parent, before I even had children, ended up being precisely the things I had to go through to learn that I really did not know what I was talking about. Hence coming full circle and making me realize that there is no such thing as a perfect parent.
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