Have you ever sat across the table from one or more of your children and wondered where they came from.
Of course, you are not thinking of the literal sense, but as you are gazing at this precious child who is doing and/or saying things you just didn’t picture your child capable of, you realize that you don’t even know what they are thinking or why? You question what you missed because they seem to be so different than you or your other children.
I had an acquaintance start to tell me about her son. “He always seems to want more and more. I wouldn’t say he is spoiled because we don’t give into his wants, but it concerns me that he is never satisfied. My daughter is nothing like that.”
My passion is to help parents see the potential in their children and to teach them how to make their child be all they were designed to be so I decided to ask her a few questions to see if there was more to this than she was seeing. I asked her if she felt like her son was more ‘like’ herself or her husband. After thinking for a couple of minutes she said: “probably more like her husband”. I asked if her husband was still in the landscaping business. Shaking her head yes, I continued to probe further with questions regarding his school work, his hobbies, and his friends. I concluded at the end of all the questions, that this was not a behavioral issue.
It is true as parents sometimes we just don’t see what is right in front of our faces, either because we are too close to the situation, or because it is nothing we have ever thought of before. The truth is it is hard to look at a situation differently than the way we have always looked at it. Having a child who always ‘wants things‘ does seem like a behavioral issue and in this case, she needed an objective eye to see that it probably wasn’t what she thought.
Wanting her to see another possible reason for her son behavior I asked, “Is it possible your son, being more like your husband just wants more because he was born with a drive that makes him entrepreneurial? Maybe this need to have more is not a selfish thing at all but an internal push to do more, try harder, to have more, but in the business sense. Without the ‘want for more’ he wouldn’t be able to push himself enough to do what he would need to do to ‘achieve more‘.”
The smile on her face was priceless. I love it when a parent says, “I haven’t thought of it that way before”, which then usually leads them to say, “Well now I know how to work with him”. Guiding a parent to think differently about a situation then gives them a chance to at least see it from a different point of view. In time, after this mom goes home and starts to work with her son, she will determine in herself if this really is what drives him or if it is indeed a behavioral issue.
Let’s realize our children are not carbon copies of us.
They are unique and as individual as the stars. All bright and beautiful but with each having their own style and shine which visibly sets them apart from one another, even hundreds of miles away.
Your job as their parent is to find out what they like, what gives them joy and help them fulfill what their destiny is. Don’t assume that if they think or act differently than you that they are wrong in what they are doing, but instead try and look at it from what their personality might be dictating them to be.
Not all the things you see will be something unique that makes them stand out from the norm in your family. Some of their traits might be harmful, so take the time to watch, learn and help develop who they are and see if this trait you spotted can be used to help develop them into the shining star they are meant to be or if it is a behavioral issue you need to address.
Chances are you won’t have the answer right away so be patient in your pursuit of discovering who they are and help them learn to be all they can be.
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Feel like you have ‘Lost your focus’ as a parent?
thanks to simplyputonline for the picture: http://www.simplyputonline.com/article.aspx?id=97#.VOPG0fnF8fU
Love taught, what does that mean?
Having a bad day yesterday brought one thing to light. The things that mean the most are the simple things. We hear this constantly but rarely do we understand the depth of it’s worth.
When my daughter gave me a hug and said “I love you mom” on her way out the door to school, I melted. My day had already had a turn in the wrong direction, but that one little gesture from her lifted my spirits.
Later my husband came home and he had been having a bad day as well. I could see it on his face. Nasty things said to him from family members that were hurtful and caused him a great deal of pain. While having supper, my son ends up putting another damper on the night with his opinion of our generations lack of education when it comes to social media and how that impacted his life.
Seeing the hurt and anger on my husband’s face was more than I could bear. I had two choices. I could revert into myself, read my book and try and forget about the world for the night, or I could reach out and spread some lov’n to those that mean the most to me. Although my son’s treatment of us was not acceptable I choose to ensure I gave him a kiss and hug before he left for the night. A small thing but enough for him to know he is loved regardless of his action.
For the love of my life, I gave my full attention. I usually have a lot to do and can fill up an evening quickly with work. But last night I choose to stop everything and spend the night with my husband. Being reminded by that hug in the morning from my daughter and realizing a little goes a long way, I snuggled up to my husband, let him pick something to watch and relaxed in the knowledge that our love was enough for when the times were rough. It doesn’t fix the problems but it sure does smooth out the edges.
If you have taught your children to show affection, it will be returned to you when you need it most. Tell me your recent stories of something your child did to change your day for the better.
Thanks to this link for the picture: http://quotez.co/a-hug-is-all-you-need-love-quotes/
Want to know more about love. Check out this video on ‘The Love Cycle’.
And this one on ‘Tough Love’
I have an opinion on everything. My opinion, much like yours, is based on my own life experiences and what I have been willing to learn from others. I do believe my opinions are right for me and my family and I have reasons for why I believe the things I do. I have a solid ground on which I stand. Rules and guidelines that govern how I live my life and how I raise my children.
When I share my opinion I am not saying I am right and you are wrong. I give my opinion and then I sit back and hear what others have to say. Even though some readers are cruel in their responses, I find many have some very helpful things to input. I am given the opportunity to rethink what I am saying and doing and/or to see if there might be more to any given subject than just my own narrow thoughts on it. I, like you, will only change my mind if someone can logically, lovingly articulate their opinion.
Despite what we believe we should not be casting stones at others who think differently than we do. When you start judging others just because they do things differently or think differently than you, you probably won’t have anyone take heed in your opinion. We all have opinions, but we should not have judgments. We should listen and understand that we are all made differently, think differently, therefore will handle things differently.
As long as parents truly love their children and are trying to be the best they can be for family, then who cares if their opinion is different. Let’s be kind and understand without being judgmental of someone else’s opinions. Is this possible?
Let’s learn from our young children and watch what they do when someone doesn’t agree with them or hurts them. They shrug their shoulders and move on. If they get hurt they don’t assume that child hurt them on purpose, instead, they pick themselves back up and continue playing. Not until we make a judgment about the situation do they even care. Let’s not influence our children into judgments, instead, let’s try to be more like them!
Thanks to my two oldest for the featured picture.
Here is something I have a very strong opinion on. Click here to watch what that might be.
Click here for another subject that I think others are pushing their opinions on society and creating a huge problem.
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So your child has been diagnosed with ADHD and you suddenly hear either one of two very strong opinions. Some will think this is hogwash and tell you that your child is just not very well behaved, meaning they think it is a discipline issue. While others will think it is a real disorder and your child should be put on medicine immediately usually with the insinuation that you shouldn’t expect others to have to deal with your child if they are not medicated. When there are two extremes on any given subject, I personally think you will usually find the truth lies somewhere in between.
I’m amazed at how far we have advanced with modern science and that we can find answers to how and why some of us think and act differently because of certain chemicals or lack of in our bodies. I am grateful that we have a medicine that can help those that really need it.
Although I think some ADHD diagnosed children need medical help in order to function successfully, I still think most do not. Years ago if a child was hyper and couldn’t focus we called them rowdy children that needed more exercise. Parents just knew to not give as much sugar and they would let them get outside and wear some of that energy off. That was the end of it and except for those extreme cases, the child learned how to live life like the rest of society by finding something that suited their strengths. Most found careers that were very physical thus allowing them to continue to be active.
My concern is that as a society we have been so quick to put labels on things that are not life-threatening and it has caused a stigma for these young children. As parents, we are always wanting to do the very best for our children and rightfully so. However, I think we sometimes get forced into a diagnosis and told it is much more severe than it really is. We panic and grasp onto anything that looks like it will help our children deal with a current concern, do better at school, or be easier to handle at home, later to find out it did more harm than good.
Back in the 80’s modern medicine had discovered a cure for some infections by putting tubes in their ears. However many articles have now been written about the disadvantages of doing this unless it is really necessary. Because of this, the amount of children that have had this procedure done in recent years has dropped. Here is an article on this very subject You will see that even though these procedures fixed the problem in some cases, in many other cases it was not the best long term solution. A side effect from having a tube in your ear is not near as bad as the side effects of these drugs used for ADHD that according to Alan Sroufe are not even as effective long term as we once thought.
We need to learn as parents to deal with this without making it worse and without allowing it to make our children stumble or be less than what they can be. But neither should we shy away from it and not do everything we can to help these children now that we know it is not their fault they can not focus or stay still. If you feel you have to tell your child that they have ADHD then do so but do not let it become an excuse for them to fail. Instead, let’s show them, teach them, encourage them to be better than it and overcome it. If they can learn this at a young age with something that is not life-threatening, it will give them a tremendous start on overcoming other obstacles in life and they will be conquerors instead of victims.
Don’t take just one doctor, or teachers diagnoses, get a second, third and fourth opinion. Read everything you can about it. Know if your child is mild, medium or severe and decide with all the facts and with wisdom if you should put your child on medicine.
Let’s only medicate if it will be the best decision for the child, not if it is easier for society/teachers or us as parents. Does it mean you have to do extra work to help them focus and stay calm, yes, probably, but so what isn’t your child worth it? I know my son and grandson benefited from me doing my homework.
Here are a couple of articles on natural ways to help keep your child and these might/might not work for your child but they are at least worth a read.
I am not advocating anyone over the other just giving options.
I have an upcoming article about your rights in dealing with your child who has any kind of disorder. Stay tuned to find out more.
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Click here to find out what some times “Children are not allowed”
*picture supplied by www.friendshipcircle.org
Do you know that although antibiotics will help you get rid of infections it could destroy or hinder your immune system? Antibiotics – a double edged sword is just one of many articles you can find on this subject. I am not a doctor nor profess to be an expert in any medical way, so I am not suggesting that you never use antibiotics. What I am suggesting is that you see if there would be any danger if your child didn’t use them and instead allow their own immune system to do the work. If your child has an infection, you might want to consider this alternative.
Giving someone with a minor infection and or virus lots of liquids, fresh air and rest usually will help the body to fight this off on its own. When their immune systems get stronger by fighting without medicine, it usually will take a lot more for them to get sick the next time.
A short time after my son was born he was diagnosed with RSV (Respiratory syncytial virus infection), given some antibiotics and put into an oxygen tank. Although my son would clear up and they would send us home, within days we were back at the hospital and he was much worse. We went back three separate times in total before I finally said: “this is enough”. My husband and I rigged up a makeshift oxygen bed making sure everything was secure and safe. We ran the humidifier constantly while he was in his room. We also opened the window as wide as we could while bundling him up in undershirts, socks and full length cozy, warm sleepers to keep him warm. We applied Vicks on his outer clothes ensuring it did not touch his skin. This was just to keep his air passages open so he could sleep restfully. I got to sleep in a bed beside him instead of on the floor like at the hospital and we both started to feel much better.
The concern was that the RSV could develop into pneumonia. To put the doctors and my own mind at ease I would go into the doctors every 3 or 4 days to ensure everything was fine. Each time I left her office she gave me a prescription for another antibiotic which I gladly took just in case I would need it, but I never did. On one visit she asked me why I wasn’t getting the prescriptions filled. Besides wondering how she knew that fact, I gave her my reason which she completely disagreed with. I asked her if this was considered neglect of my child in any way and her response was “if your son was getting worse I would have to say yes”. So I replied, “but he isn’t getting worse, he is getting better, right?”. She had to concede that point and I went home.
In no time at all my son was not only cleared 100% of the RSV virus he was healthier than my other children. When the older children would come home from school with runny noses, I thought for sure he would catch a cold as well, but he rarely did. To this day he is the healthiest of all of us. I can’t remember the last time he was sick or even had a cold and he is now 20 years old.
As in all things, there has to be caution used especially if you go against what a doctor suggests. This article is not meant to cause you guilt or condemnation of any kind or to even suggest you go against a doctors suggestion. So if you are uncomfortable with not doing exactly what the doctors suggest then please do what makes you more comfortable. All I am trying to do is show there may be other options other than always using an antibiotic.
I know with parents working they have to get their child better as quickly as possible so they can get back to work, however, in the long run, I believe you will end up taking even more time off work due to the frequency your child will continue to get sick caused by a lower immune system. Due to daycare centers and schools not wanting sick children attending if you cannot take the required amount of time off work, you might have to come up with another plan. An alternative is to find a healthy, understanding relative, or hire someone to come into your home, who will see your long term goal and be willing to take care of the child until they are better.
I am also a big testimony to this as I have not taken antibiotics in years and other than food poisoning I haven’t been sick for 18 years. But let me end by saying, if I had a life-threatening illness that antibiotics were needed to get me well, I would not hesitate to take them.
Photo provided with thanks from http://parentinghub.co.za/2014/10/24/what-to-do-with-sick-children/
This is a good read as well please click on this link as I think you will like this article.
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Check out our Parenting Talk Show video on Allowance