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‘Love tank’ is a unique phrase:
One that most don’t really think about often. The truth is if someone doesn’t have their love tank full enough they will go looking for it to get filled. The problem is they might be looking for love in the wrong places, or with the wrong people.
There are days that we feel lonely, lost, unloved. Single parents in particular will feel this, but it is not just an issue for single parents. All parents can feel this way at times. We tend to give so much of ourselves that some times our ‘love tank’ gets empty and we need arms around us giving us a hug, or we need words of encouragement to keep us going, or we just need a shoulder we can cry on when we are in despair.
We all know that as a parent our job is to love, support and instruct our children to be all that they can be. At times we as parent suffer from loneliness. Due to the fact that our children are there, accessible, and usually will not even question us if we need a hug, we can tend to start to expect our children to fill our ‘love tanks’. This is not their responsibility. Their job is to listen, learn and honor their parents so that they can be all that they have the potential to be. Nowhere in any theory that I have read on child rearing have I seen that it is healthy for a child to take on the responsibility of ensuring their parent is taken care of in ANY way. Not until the child is an adult and the parents are seniors. So if that is true we should not be expecting them to fill any emptiness we have.
We all love to hug our children. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. However, I don’t believe you should allow your child to feel burdened or think in any way that they should be the one to give you the attention you might need. There will be times they won’t even know you are needing something but usually, children are pretty intuitive and will know something is wrong and will feel the need to try and help you. It is not wrong for them to know that their arms around you is comforting and gives you a sense of peace, but don’t let them feel that if they don’t give you the attention and love you might need, that they have failed you in some way. Our children will know if you appreciate their time, love and attention and therefore will give it freely, but again let me say that it is not their responsibility.
We all need to take care of ourselves as much as take care of our children. (another blog for another time). If you can teach yourself to rely on yourself to get your needs met and not to rely on your children for this, they will learn to be self reliant as well when they become parents.
Meanwhile, wrap your arms tight around your children every day and whisper at least once if not 12 times a day, “I love you”, and their tight warm hugs back will be more than enough to fill you to the brim and over flowing with warmth and love.
Watch these video on love
Here is an article on “How best to Love your child’.