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LISTEN LYNDA, LISTEN

LISTEN LYNDA, LISTEN2019-05-19T11:04:12-04:00

Are you a parent that has questions?
Are you having a bad day, week, or month and you just need to vent?
Do you have a funny story you would like to share?

Hello everyone, my name is Lynda and I am here to listen.

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13 Comments

  1. Faith April 5, 2019 at 3:24 pm - Reply

    Hi Lynda, so I don’t have much family. My grandparents are pretty much my only family I have left, they supported myself, and my daughter through something really harsh, and they’ve done so much for me over my years as a parent, but they get too much sometimes. They like to throw their opinions around like no tomorrow, and often leave me feeling bad about myself and my ability to parent. When I make a choice they don’t like, I don’t hear the end of it. They will undermind me, go to the school behind my back, and give into my daughter way too easy.
    Allow me an example.

    Recently they’ve shared details with the school of custody agreements between myself and her father as we are looking to adjust our arrangement as she is getting older. This was not any of the school’s buisness at the time as it doesn’t effect her schooling. There was also a morning THEY decided to let her have the day off because she was kicking up and refusing to go, but told the school it had been my decision and it was because my daughter was stressed due to us aruging that morning (not the case at all).

    They’ve done things like this so many times and worse, and when they don’t get their own way, they act like children, Another example, a couple of years ago, my nan had made a dentist appt for my daughter during her father’s custody time (I have a sever phobia of dentists due to a horrific experience as a child, I didn’t want my phobia to make her nervous so I let nan handle it, but the agreement was no appts during school holidays due that being her fathers time). I begged and tried to get her to change it but she wouldn’t, her father tried to make other arrangements but due to work commitments he couldn’t. Her dad has to drive 1.5hrs to pick her up, and another 1.5hrs to get her to his, they had a new baby (her dad and his wife) and they are both officers, so work shifts are crazy. It wasn’t possible for him to make other pick up arrangements. The appt fell the day after he needed to pick her up, if he didn’t pick her up that day, he wouldn’t have been able to see her. He’d already gone six weeks not seeing her, and he was facing another seven weeks if he had to miss this school holiday.
    I put my foot down, and I changed the appointment for two weeks later, at a time that worked for everyone. Because I did this, my nan didn’t speak to me for TWO MONTHS!!!!

    So basically if I don’t do things by their book, or how they think it should be done, I’m an awful person and mum.

    It’s getting to the point I can’t take anymore of their disapproval or underminding, it’s making me doubt my capabilty to be a parent, and stirring my depression and anxiety. But they’re my only family, my daughter adores them, I try to stand up for myself, and it just ends up with everyone getting hurt. I don’t know what to do anymore. Any advice?

    • Desiree Rohland May 23, 2019 at 5:47 pm - Reply

      Hi Lynda!!!
      How do you explain having “absent grandparents or family” to your children?? The relationship I have with my family is non existed. It is what’s best for my family to not be in my life. But these our adult issues. However, I don’t know how to explain that to my 8&9 year old..especially since my husband’s families IN our lives.

      • Lynda May 23, 2019 at 6:28 pm - Reply

        Oh, I love this question as this is something many parents deal with and I will do a video on this one soon. I will email you when I have the video done on it Desiree.

  2. Tom April 3, 2019 at 10:01 am - Reply

    How do I get my partner to help with the kids?

    • Listen Lynda, Listen April 3, 2019 at 10:03 am - Reply

      Well Tom, that is a great question, one of which I think most of us have all asked ourselves at some point in our parenting journey. The answer is not a simple one, but usually, the best way to get anyone involved is to make them see what they are missing by not being involved.

  3. Maria March 30, 2019 at 8:18 pm - Reply

    Hello, my daughter is 5, she has had problems in the school because of her behavior. She wants to be the one who decides what to do and what to play and when her friends don’t want that, she makes a tantrum and her friends are getting away from her and she feels sad. Any advice to teach her how to play, and give a chance to other kids to choose the game.

  4. Michael March 30, 2019 at 10:35 am - Reply

    Erin. With our daughter, we were given all kinds of advice regarding something similar. What worked was we convinced her to leave her do do under her pillow for the do do (soother – soos soos) fairy. The fairy would give it to another child who needs it. In the morning she was left with a medal under her pillow as a thank you. It was done! Maybe try something like that.

    Abigail. I’d visit a pediatrician. Start there in my opinion. You might have an ADHD issue that you can learn to deal with.

    Amanda. Looking forward to the answer! My 7-year-old girl is going to be a challenge sooner than I thought.

    • Lynda Harlos March 30, 2019 at 10:51 am - Reply

      Great answers Michael. I so appreciate you giving advice. I have always believe that we are stronger together. We will learn more if we all try and help each other. I hope I see more parents getting involved and giving answers.

      I will add a few more comments to all of the questions after I pick which one I will be highlighting for the month of April. Stay tuned everyone.

  5. Erin March 29, 2019 at 3:46 pm - Reply

    What is a easy way to wean your toddler off the bottle? He only gets it for a nap & bedtime.

    • Listen Lynda, Listen April 3, 2019 at 9:58 am - Reply

      Hi Erin: The truth is the only way anything will be easy in parenting is if you can ‘convince’ the child it is a good thing. I call it their ‘want to’. Check out this video if you want to see more about this:
      As younger children do not always understand what is a good idea or not, you sometimes have to convince them of something that will reach their age level. So anything that is similar to what Michael suggested is your best option. Find out what motivates her. What will give her pleasure, what she will think is a good reason to give it up and you will probably have better success. Having said that, there will be times that a child will not be able to see any reason to give up what they love, and then you might have a fight on your hands. But always try the gentle way first by doing something like Michael suggested. Good job Michael, love that you are willing to help other parents. Dad’s rock!!!

  6. Abigail March 29, 2019 at 11:13 am - Reply

    My son is 5, he is a wild child for sure! He has a lot of emotion and doesn’t quite know how to handle it, I’ve tried to approach the situation by staying calm and talking it out, finding out why he feels how he feels but he kind of overreacts to every situation, I’ve also told him there are better ways to handle it and to sit until he calms down and then we talk, am I missing something here? It deosnt seem to matter how I talk to him he has angry outbursts regardless, is this a phase? He’s such a great kid and he’s starting school in the fall, I know this kinda stuff probably won’t fly and honestly I’m getting anxious over it

  7. Amanda March 28, 2019 at 8:44 am - Reply

    When is a good time to talk to your daughter about sex. As in the act of it. My daughter knows the organs etc but she doesn’t know what sex is.
    How do you approach it or get started. I’d like to talk to her before the school does, but I believe there is a fine line between ready and not ready and I want to get it right.

    • Lynda Harlos March 31, 2019 at 2:21 am - Reply

      Good Question Amanda, and Michael also is curious about this subject.
      The truth is there is no set answer. The reason for that is each child is so different and will accept information differently. You have to know your child to really determine when would be the best time to talk to him/her about sex.

      The school system teaches sex ed, but each country, each area, and each teacher does this differently so don’t assume you know for sure what they were taught. My older son was taught more about sexual orientation than about what the organs are, and why each functions as it does. It was just around the time that society was talking about LBGT and that teacher had an agenda to ensure his class knew about this part of the sex education and never really taught much about anything else.

      Finding out what your children already know is the first step. Do that with questions. Usually, they will bring up something that will help you know they are ready to talk about it but if not just asking ‘what do you know about sex?’ will give you a quick idea if they are ready to talk. Getting embarrassed is normal for the first couple of times you bring it up, but keep asking subtle questions. They will eventually start asking you questions when they know you are willing to talk about it and then you will have a clear understanding of what they know and don’t know.

      Lastly, please ensure you talk about the emotional side of the sexual act as the schools never talk about that. It is one of the major elements of the sex and ignoring that part is the number 1 reason I feel that teens are having sex more often and sooner. They do not understand the emotional involvement that is involved.

      I do have a video on this so, please check that out. Here is the link.

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